Blind item - Guess Who?

As eventually happens to most of us, people I never thought ever thought of me after all these years found me on Facebook. Well, they didn't search me out so much as added friends on the backs of existing friends like I do.  A lot of these are old school chums (Sherwood Forrest Primary), one of whom was once my bully.

I was a fat kid. By the time the 7th grade rolled around so could I (Oh!). Being 200+ pounds and 12 sucks. But being a 12 year-old girl and having a group of boys write a thinly-veiled book called "The Ho-Ho Girl" is absolutely mortifying.

In our G.A.T.E. (gifted and talented education classes a.k.a. where schools place marginally-smart kids to get some of that sweet State money) English class we were required to author and illustrate a short story then bind it together with a plastic spiral "spine" in the school secretary's office.

But back to the book itself, our "advanced" class went to the school library to work on our books - alone or in groups. Starting the dreaded illustration part of my book (which in itself was a thinly-veiled retelling of one of my favorite book series, The Stupids), I heard the unmistakable sound of stifled, pre-teen laughter. Turning around I saw one of my closest friends, whom we'll call @#!%?$, sitting at a four-person table with a trio of boys - a brunette, a blond and a redhead - The Three Bullies (TTB).

"What's are you guys reading?" I said more to @#!%?$ than TTB. "Nothing," she said, hand covering her laughing mouth, giving conspiratorial glances to the boys she viewed as potential boyfriends. 

Squinting at what it was she giggled over and TTB were so obviously proud of (I had bad eye-sight even back then), I made out a rough drawing of a bespectacled bloated blond girl holding what appeared to be a pastry and ready to burst at the seams - a pale Violet Beauregarde. Below the crude drawing was the book's title - "The Ho-Ho Girl".

As the image began to process, I couldn't understand how @#!%?$ could actually be reading, laughing no less, at the f'ed up parody of a person she shared a "Best Friends Forever" two-halved necklace with.  @#!%?$ knew exactly who "Ho-Ho Girl" was supposed to be. She was there at the beginning.


@#!%?$ and the rest of the usual "us" were having lunch at our usual spot when, from nowhere, my archenemies, The Three Bullies, began pelting me with our school snack bar's most popular item, Hostess' Ho-Hos. @#!%?$ sat at that metal table and watched as I awkwardly chased after them, hands clenched and flailing in front of me, yearning to hit something, anything.

"Look! She's trying to grab it!" the redhead bastard of the three shrieked, waving the circular cake in my face. "Ho-Ho Girl!"

The point of all this?

If a frenemy is a friend turned enemy then wouldn't an enemy turned friend be an enemend?

My enemend surfaced in the form of the brunette of TTB requesting Ho-Ho Girl's, I mean my, "friendship" on Facebook. He probably added me after a common friend had and followed suit.

Whether he or not he remembers his part in the creation of Ho-Ho Girl, it's now 20 years later and we're "friends" on Facebook. That is unless he starts posting Hostess-related recipes on my wall. Then this girl will wreak some Ho-Ho havoc on your a...